In my email box this morning was a message from my former career coach, Denise Cooper of Remarkable Leadership Lessons, Inc. “Morning Becky. I was just cleaning and decluttering my office and came across your file. We’ve known each other for about 10 years. Now #9 at work. Celebrate your day.”
My memory flew back to my newspaper days with E. W. Scripps and the dark years when we HR professionals were conducting huge layoffs. Scripps offered us a free counseling session or two with Denise to provide what support it could. Turns out, I was the only one to accept offer. I continued the coaching at my own expense fully aware that eventually, there would be no need for a VP/HR at a newspaper that was a mere skeleton of its former self.
Just as Denise was culling through her old files, I was culling through emails unsubscribing from sources that no longer serve me. Thankful to have recovered from the 2016 house fire, I don’t need to consult with home recovery vendors in search of light fixtures, bedding, rugs, furniture. Another life transition is complete
My sister then texted to ask if we cleared out the unused basement of our childhood home when Mom sold it just after Dad’s death, 22 years ago. Dad had a way of storing financial records down there (with apple cider that he hoped would ‘turn’). That was certainly a time of culling through things – a major life transition.
Now having 20-20 hindsight, I realize that God was wrestling me for control. I can also see that had I not been so resistant to reality – to what was – these transitions could have been made more smoothly and with less angst.
It’s been my habit to rail against difficult circumstances, ball up my fists, and call in the troops. Those troops contained my war horses: faith, trust, and reliance upon God. My withdrawal, marination in fear and despair, and fight against reality merely kept me stuck. Stubborn refusal of my circumstances never changes them.
It’s understandable to rail against my father’s death and the need to collapse the family home. I would never have been worth my weight as an HR professional had I not felt the human repercussions of job loss. But the losses when combined with a bankruptcy, and the loss of our home to fire leveled me.
“Starting from scratch after a total loss is a process with a defined beginning and no discernible ending; it is a journey without map or schedule. I continue to discover that it simply takes as long as it takes…and mine’s still taking,” Susan Ruane McConnell, Phoenix Rising.
I wanted God’s plan for me clearly defined and with a road map delivered via FedEx. I kept asking for the deadlines instead of ‘being’ in the place that I was, accepting my circumstances, and surrendering to them. I was the one who held up progress. God can’t give to a closed fist.
A war horse myself now, I have become an expert at overcoming resistance. I try to constantly run on the “fuel of wonder.”
“I wonder what God has in store for me?” “Wonder what exciting event is next on the horizon?” vs. “Oh Lord, what shoe is gonna drop next?” Instead of “What’s the worst that can happen” I wonder “What’s the BEST that can happen?”
Because I am less resistant, not demanding control, and because my hands are open and willing to accept, I readily receive the answers and direction. I never could read a road map anyway.
“The cross has to come before the resurrection. It’s the way of the world. And unless you bear witness to the truth, unless you face it head on and choose to open your heart to the pain, you won’t bear witness to the miracle either. If you run away from the crucifixion, you just might miss the resurrection,” Carry On, Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton.
It’s what I am doing professionally. Part career coach, life coach, a change agent for personal challenge and growth, I want to aid in healing and help others become unstuck. The world of need and the world of abundance are the same. Part of that is walking the talk. If you want to walk on water, you’ve got to get out of the boat. “Half the failures of his world arise from pulling in one’s horse as he is leaping,” Augustus Hare.
“What we hold on to and what we let go of in this life may be among the most significant decisions we make,” Dr. John Burton. If I can be a positive agent of change, help you overcome resistance, and propel you toward your destiny, I would be honored to be part of that process.
~ From the desk of Becky Morlok ~ becky@theC3connection.com
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